There once was a beautiful girl named Lady Mary. She had many suitors but was only really interested in one person Mr. Fox.
Mr. Fox was very well known. He was a very successful businessman. At very young age, he inherited his father's trading and has since then increased its revenue. Not only was he wealthy but he was also very handsome. He took care of his body. Every morning, he ran three miles, did weights, and stretches. He took great pride in his appearance.
Lady Mary instant fell in love with Mr. Fox even though she really did not know much about him except that he was wealthy and handsome. She had never even been to his home. Lady Mary complained to Mr. Fox about never having been to his home and begged him to invite her over. He succumbed to her wishes and invited her over.
Mr. Fox's home was unlike any home Lady Mary had ever seen. It was large with many room, which was what she expected. What she did not expect was how clean it was. Lady Mary had never seen such a clean home. Everything was white and very organized. There was not a single thing out of place. Lady Mary decided not to say anything about it – about how strangely clean and organized Mr. Fox’s home was.
Mr. Fox went away for business for the weekend. Lady Mary saw this as an opportunity to sneak over to Mr. Fox’s home and explore it. When she arrived it looked the same it did the other day when she came over – really clean. Lady Mary always considered cleanliness a good quality but Mr. Fox’s level of cleanliness was abnormal. Nobody is this clean, especially a male. Lady Mary went through the house opening all of the doors and exploring the rooms that were in them. She finally reached the last hall of Mr. Fox’s home and at the end of it was door. Lady Mary reached to open it and was shocked at what she saw what was in it.
In this particular room were bodies – bodies of dead women. There was blood everywhere. Lady Mary ran as fast as she could out of the home. She ran home to her father and brothers and informed them of what she found but no one believed her. They could not believe that a handsome and wealthy man could be a murderer. Mr. Fox who is known for being charismatic, kind, and well-mannered could never be a murderer. They disregarded Lady Mary’s accusations and carried on with their daily functions. Angered, Lady Mary vowed that she would someday expose Mr. Fox for what he truly is – a murderer.
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| (Mr. Fox) |
Author's Note:
This story is based on Mr. Fox. In "Mr. Fox," Lady Mary falls in love with a man called Mr. Fox without really knowing who he is. She falls for him because of his wealth and handsome appearance. For a weekend Mr. Fox goes away on business. Lady Mary uses this oppurtunity to go to Mr. Fox's home and perhaps learn more about him. While exploring his home, She comes up dead bodies and realizes that Mr. Fox is a murderer. She runs out in fear only to hear Mr. Fox coming home, dragging a dead body. When Mr. Fox is not looking, Lady Mary takes the hand of the dead body that Mr. Fox cut off. With this hand Lady Mary proves to everyone that Mr. Fox is a murderer. Mr. Fox is then killed by her brothers and friends for his crimes. I kept the main details of the story and made it more like American Psycho. Like the main character from the film American Psycho, Mr. Fox is wealthy, clean, and healthy and has dark secret; he is a killer. I changed the ending to be more like American Psycho in that the killer does not get caught.
"Mr. Fox" From English Fairy Tales: Joseph Jacobs (1890). Web Source: Sacred Texts
Wow this story is definitely not what I was expecting! Very creepy, haha. I really like how you made it more like American Psycho. The ending, where he doesn't get caught, and you are left wondering if she will be successful in exposing him is so great! I am half thrilled and also half annoyed that I don't get to actually find out though, haha. It may be helpful if you add a little more detail and change up your sentence structure a little bit throughout the story. Varying the sentence lengths, and the way they are structured can help your story from seeming stiff and repetitive.
ReplyDeleteAwesome story though, and great job!
You have a great set up to the story! I like the idea very much and love the way you left the ending open. One thing you might want to consider is adding more detail to the room that she found at the end of the hall. Maybe make her realization of the details a little more slow, that would really ramp up the creep factor. Or maybe have her focus on one thing tightly at a time and then zoom out to the whole room as she takes it in… Anyway, great story!
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